The neuroscience of self sabotage

Many of us “fall” into habits.

We wake up at 6:30, because we have to be out the door at 7:30 and it takes an hour to get ready.

We snack at 3pm because that’s when the kids have a snack.

We watch another episode because it starts right after the previous one ended.

We pick up our phone because we get a notification.

All day long we react to stimulus that prompts us to seek instant gratification.

It’s not your fault, blame it on your brain (specifically your primitive brain).

Let’s talk about the neuroscience of self sabotage for a moment, shall we?

Our primitive brain has one job: survival.

As humans we survived as a species by eating, having sex and running away from threats.

This exact same programming, while useful thousands of years ago, is now the problem. We move through our lives seeking pleasure, running from discomfort and using the least amount of effort possible to get through our day.

We overindulge. Chase a hedonistic lifestyle. And have a “skewed” idea of what a threat is (an angry email, a request we would rather say “no” to, an invitation to get out of our comfort zone and go after a goal…) 

The last one - getting out of our comfort zone, is an important one to note.

Alarm bells go off in our primitive brain at the thought of change.

Our primitive brain DOES NOT LIKE anything unfamiliar, uncertain and unpredictable. STOP! it yells at us, “go back into the cave”, “run back to safety”, “we don’t know what will happen!”.

Most people don’t question this loud inner voice and choose to keep on keepin on with the old, familiar (albeit sub-optimal) status quo. They stay in self-sabotaging habits because it’s easier to do so and they haven’t figured out how to get out of their own rut.

Luckily we have another part of our brain that is SPECIFICALLY designed to help us overcome the outdated programming of our primitive brain - the prefrontal cortex.

This evolved, advanced and future-focused part of our brain is the part of us that seeks growth. It understands that what we want IS outside of our comfort zone. It knows that getting better results in our life will require doing DIFFERENT things.

Why do we have these 2 parts of ourselves that are at odds with each other?

Nature is not being mean. It’s nature’s way of giving us exactly what we need to become who we are meant to be.

The struggle of working towards our goals makes us stronger.

The conflict between the different parts of ourselves is an invitation to figure out how to create ALIGNMENT.

What if everything in our lives (and brains) is exactly as it’s meant to be?

All the ingredients to become the person we are capable of are right here.

But (and this is a BIG BUT), we have to CHOOSE growth.

We have to see the bad habits, struggles and pains not as problems, but opportunities.

Replace criticism with curiosity.

Have the courage to LOOK at the things that aren’t working and commit to finding solutions.

That’s exactly what your beautiful prefrontal cortex for.

Learning to work WITH our brains is the way we can navigate the tricky waters of being human with more grace and ease. There’s no more important skill to develop.

Choose to change. Decide to improve the parts of yourself that aren’t in integrity with who you want to be. Then prepare for your primitive brain to have a tantrum and try it’s hardest to convince you not to. Choose it again. And again.

What does this look like IRL?

Wake up a little earlier tomorrow and decide to meditate for 5 minutes BEFORE grabbing your phone.

Notice the urge to snack and pause. Allow the discomfort of delayed gratification to be there for a few minutes. 

Be a little more uncomfortable today as you do a little bit better. Change your relationship to discomfort. Get cozy with it.

This is the process. Keep recommitting to becoming the person you are here to be. You know who she is. She is inside of you. All the discomfort it requires to release and reveal her is worth it.